FAN AND FACTORS THAT WILL MAKE IT A SUPER-HIT

Are you a Shahrukh Khan Fan? I was a small kid when Circus used to come on DD. I just remember that my aunt liked one of its actors named Shahrukh Khan. Some years passed and as a kid, those days I used to like only B-Grade Bollywood action films which used to have more than half of its cast as villains. I reluctantly watched Deewana because I knew it has only songs and Rishi Kapoor means no action. Amrish Puri was the only motivation to watch it. I was surprised. The second half introduced a hero who was very much likable. I didn’t know the word Fan at that time but now I can say that I became his fan. I still remember how I hated to watch Sunny Deol beating him mercilessly in Darr because at that time I liked Sunny Deol more than Shahrukh. After all, Sunny was ‘the’ action hero. Strangely, I started to like romantic films after watching DDLJ. I was not even a teenager then.  I am telling you all this because I want you to know why I am his fan. But mind it I am not a mad one like this Gaurav in his upcoming film Fan.

Being his fan, I knew this man likes himself very much and that’s required when you aim for big but I don’t know when this man turned into a narcissistic maniac who couldn’t find any other actor to play his fan. Or if he wanted to play the fan he could have taken another actor as the star. But what’s the logic in playing star and the fan both? Only over indulgence and narcissism can explain this. And tell me honestly doesn’t that fan in the movie look disgustingly ugly version of Shahrukh.

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When a big film is announced, the marketing department starts working day and night to create back stories to connect more to the audience. I read every day some new stories like it was a dream of director and writer Maneesh Sharma, the story was narrated to Shahrukh 13 years back and Fan means a lot to Shahrukh, the songs are being leaked, Sunny Leone is taken on board, the real winner is the story. Bullshit!!!

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The Fan (1996) directed by Tony Scott has a similar plot where De Niro plays the fan and Wesley Snipes plays a star Baseball player. What I gather from the trailers it becomes sure that Maneesh Sharma’s dream hasn’t even changed its name. I know Shahrukh’s Fan is not an exact copy of De Niro’s The Fan because Shahrukh is too intelligent to make that mistake. But if someone says it was my dream or it is very close to my heart, at least, don’t mock yourselves, just Google your dream to find that it has already been dreamt several times. But no, they will not bother to do so because we the Shahrukh Fan’s are morons and would watch anything he offers.  And I would once again say that fan version of Shahrukh is disgustingly ugly and watching him gives me nausea.

Having said all that, I am one hundred percent sure that this film is going to be a big big blockbuster at the Bix Office and collections may surpass all previous SRK films. Do you know why? I will tell you.

So here are the reasons why Fan will be a great success:

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  • Modiji has given the 15 lakh he promised to every citizen in the form of gift Vouchers which are redeemable only as movie tickets (that is why you often seem people complaining about rising prices of commodities, deaths due to starvation, children are deprived of milk because parents don’t have money but the box office collection of movies is rising despite skyrocketing ticket prices.

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  • The Young Guns working in the IT sector and the banks have to watch this movie just because it’s a weekend. They don’t give a damn whether it’s an SRK movie or an Indie starring Meeta Vashisht and some hot Bengali actress (pardon me for not remembering the names but it’s not my mistake I can’t remember so many names because all are super hot. Don’t think otherwise, I have included Rupa Ganguli). They just collect stars on their shoulders by watching every single thing that comes with a price.

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  • As for the girls, I do not have any explanation. I simply don’t know why they like an SRK movie, in fact, I do not have any idea why they even like movies at all. So they are going to watch this for sure. And Sir, trust me they will watch this more than once.

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  • The NRI people, I sympathize with them. They don’t have any choice. They consider themselves duty bounded to watch Shahrukh’s film, it’s an obligation for them because SRK gave them a face, an identity, and lovely Hindi songs that are easy to memorize. In short, SRK has given them the Indianness that they lacked before.

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  • Last reason for Fan’s success is revolutionary. All the members of the award wapsi Sangathan and intellectuals against intolerant India are going to watch this film several times to display their solidarity against the tyrant government. I have heard that Anand Patwardhan, with donations from Kejriwal and Gopal Rai has booked all the shows  of Batra Cinema Hall in Mukherji Nagar, Delhi for the entire first week.

I can give you more reasons for Fan’s Success. But for the time being these are enough. Oh! You want to know what about me. You want to know I belong to which group. My case is a tragic one, I always wanted to be in the fourth category i.e. of NRIs but unfortunately, I fell in the third Category i.e. of Girls. No, I am not a girl that’s why I called it a tragedy.

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